My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
