I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
