I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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