So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
