I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
