How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
