Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
