Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
