Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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