Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
