I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
