Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
