Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
