it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
