You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize