woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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