Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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