after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
