it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
