I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
