there were more penises there than on chat roulette
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
