puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
wow bdsm is so cute
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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