if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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