just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
