is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
