party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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