do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
as a side note pls kill me
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
