I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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