i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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