Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
