are you so shy because you have an std?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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