In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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