good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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