It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
