This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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