oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize