Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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