I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize