The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize