You really coming over, don't trick.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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