i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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