Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
