its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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