Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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