Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize