Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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