Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
