when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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