I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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