So drunk its hurt
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
