fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
