she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
