we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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