so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
