my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
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