using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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