brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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