that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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