Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
