i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
