Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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