I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
