i need an iv and a liver transplant
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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