I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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