the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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