so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
