Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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