wat bout pragnant strippers??
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
