When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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