When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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