I faked an abortion last night.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
