Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
