I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
